In my book Conflict Coaching Fundamentals: Working with conflict stories, I explain how one of the important shifts that people need to make in order to develop a constructive mindset towards conflict is the shift from certainty to uncertainty. The challenge is that uncertainty is an uncomfortable place to be, and certainty is comfortable, even […]
One of the core techniques we are taught as mediators and coaches is that when a person expresses their emotions (either directly or indirectly) we should “reflect them back”. Reflecting back a person’s emotions is supposedly helpful for showing that you understand how the person is feeling, validating the person’s emotional response, building rapport, demonstrating
Reflecting back emotions – questioning some assumptions Read More »
Regret. We’ve all experienced it. It’s not what you’d call a pleasant emotion. It also tends to promote rumination and going over and over what we wished we had done differently. This is a similar process of counterfactual thinking that is common with other emotions such as guilt and shame. For people who work in
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING: The Power of Regret by Daniel H. Pink Read More »
As I was researching for our new Working With Emotions in Conflict online course, DeSteno’s name kept coming up in relation to the importance of emotions, and especially social emotions, for success. David DeSteno writes a lot on the concept of intertemporal choice (I wrote about this concept in conflict in one of my LinkedIn
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING: Emotional Success by David DeSteno Read More »
Many people think about hope as an emotion that is akin to faith or wishful thinking. However, hope theorists such as Snyder describe hope as a way of thinking. The best thing about approaching hope in this way, is that it becomes something that we can learn (and support others to develop). For our purposes,
Promoting hope in conflict Read More »
This book includes a collection of very thoughtful essays that challenge us to think beyond coaching as a tool to improve performance within existing outdated, dysfunctional and even toxic systems. Einzig asks: Should the role of the coach evolve? What is the role of coaching today? Can coaches support leaders to transform the rules of
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING: The Future of Coaching by Hetty Einzig Read More »
What is intertemporal choice? You may not have heard the term “intertemporal choice” but I’m sure you all experience it often. Intertemporal choice (DeSteno, 2009) is a situation in which decisions hold different consequences as time unfolds. Here’s an example using the impact of anger in a negotiation: If we are in a negotiation, and
Intertemporal choice, emotions, and conflict Read More »
I have to agree with Adam Grant’s comment on the front of this book. It’s the smartest, clearest and funniest book I’ve ever read about the brain. This book is such a wonderful introduction to neuroscience and it is written in such an accessible way. There are chapters about how the left and right sides
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING: The Neuroscience of You by Chantel Prat Read More »
NEW BOOK: Facilitating with stories: Ethics, Reflective Practice and Philosophies, edited by Andrew Rixon and Cathryn Lloyd I’m delighted to announce the release of a new book, to which I contributed a chapter! My chapter is called “The Ethics of Working with Someone to Change Their Story: Managing Power” This book provides a rich connection
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING: Facilitating with Stories by Andrew Rixon and Cathryn Llord Read More »
The impact that a person’s emotional experience or expression may have on others depends on a few factors. Here’s a brief overview of some of the things that might make a difference. The level of interdependence of the people involved If the person perceiving the other’s emotions has no relationship with them, and no intentions
The interpersonal effects of emotions Read More »